KNOWING WHERE HE IS DOESN’T MEAN THAT I DON’T MISS HIM

It’s been quite 5 months since he went away, leaving me with the memories and longings to see him again, to hear him laugh and tease me again, to love and be loved by him again. I know I will, but while waiting for the time to come, I have to deal with these feelings. They say that grieve lessens but does not dissipate, and until then the healing will be incomplete. How true it is.
I don’t have the least of doubt of where he is right now, though it is sometimes hard to imagine such a perfect place -- where there are no tears or sorrow--, amidst this broken, imperfect world. And when I wake up in the middle of the night, think about him and shed a tear or two, I wonder if he also misses me out there. And if the thought of me mars his perfect happiness with a tingle of pain, a pain of being separated from the loved ones, I truly hope that he never thinks of me. After all, he had always thought of me first during my almost 27 years of age.
And, thinking that where he is right now must be full with joy, indeed gives me a great consolation and enables me to grieve with hope all this time.
But I miss him still. I miss listening to him humming in the morning, I miss watching him reading on his couch, sipping coffee and commenting on my latest literary work. I miss laying my head on his shoulders and letting him know how much he meant to me, despite the lack of words exchanged.
However, instead of weeping over this great loss incessantly, I’d rather give thanks for the years, months, days, hours, and seconds that I spent together with him, in our unconditional love, the glimpse of another love, which is greater than life itself. After all, not every kid in the world has the privilege of being raised up by a good and loving father like mine.

MY DREAM LIST IN ITALY

(Position DOES NOT determine degree of importance, I just jotted down whichever came first to mind)

Meet/visit/go out with/see my Italian/European friends (some I have not seen for ages, some I have just met, some I have never met but have known for years through correspondence—friendships can happen in so many ways after all). *

Meet Gianluca Pagliuca and thank him personally for planting a seed of passion for Italy in my heart, in the first place, which eventually grew stronger day by day. *****

Lick gelati italiani and baci Perugina to my heart’s content, without getting fat cos I’ll be walking around a lot. *

Watch the live concert of Neri per Caso and sing OFF stage with them (used to be ***, but now * thanks to Mario)

Go to the Trevi Fountain and throw three coins there. One, to come back again, two, for a beautiful romance, and three… for a live happily everafter, or whatever… ****

Have a one-lap riding with Valentino Rossi *****

Learn to dance Tarantella and eat Cazu Marzu in the South **

Spending night in one of the trulli di alberobello, feeling like Snow White **

Watch Rigoletto or La Boheme in Piccolo Teatro Campopisano Genoa, and have a nice passeggiata in Bogliasco **

Be a valedictorian at the end of the academic year, and make my Italian teachers proud of me—which also means that by that time I’ll be speaking Italian without having to think first and will never again feel frustrated of not being able to express myself freely in that most beautiful language in the world! ***

Visiting Cremona to see the violins and revive my passion in it (that I have to suppress now due to lacking of time)—not yet sure if I’ll take mine there, though… 20 kgs only! *

Take a gondola and enjoy a nice evening in Venezia under the stars and moonlight, with a sweet guy singing one of Patrizio Buanne’s songs for me… come prima, più di prima, t'amerò ****

Watch derby della madonnina in Giuseppe Meazza stadium, wearing Inter’s shirt and feeling like a true tifosa. Yea, FORZA INTER!! *

Visit Appiano Gentile and ask Marco Materazzi about what he really said to Zidane that got him a famous head-butt, and oh… take a picture with Javier Zanetti and Jose Mourinho! ***

Stop being shy and be more ‘aperta’ like the Italians…be a talkative person, talk to each one of them and absorb as many Italian vocabs as my brains can hold (without really breaking ‘em). ***

Get some mimosa and feel special on the woman’s day (ohh shoot! I’ll be there after 9 March, unfortunately) ****

Learn the art of ‘being elegante all the time’ and ‘cooking like Italian moms’ ***

See the snow (for the first time in my life!) falling slowly from the skies like flakes of cottons…ROMANTIC!!!!!!!

And the list can go on and on as I dream away… (which is my full-time job right now!)…ooh, la vita è veramente bella!

*Definitely will be done and I can’t wait to do so! (oohhh… 5 more months to go!)
** Might or might not come true, depends on how much time and money I’ll have
*** Needs a lot of work but still possible to achieve
**** I know… I know….I sound cheesy and corny, but that’s me!
***** Yea, right… who do you think you are? Wake up, dreamer!