ON THE CROSSROAD

Nowhere else is harder than on the crossroad. It’s inevitable, unavoidable. I find myself there several times, and I bet you do too.
I used to call it ‘a gray area’, where it’s not pitch black nor clear white. It’s puzzling, and may give you headache for several days, or weeks.
It’s a place where you are not sure where you’re going. Left or right, which one is right for you? And how do you know? You don’t know what to expect from each path you’re about to choose—whether it will lead you to your dreams, or cause you to regret your choice later.
On many a dark night, I wish I had known the end of those paths, without having to step on it first. I prayed for a divine guide, yet God seemed so silent. I looked for a sign from above, but I saw nothing. I tried to listen for His voice, in a breeze of a cold, chill wind, but I heard nothing. I got more confused, yet I didn’t know what to choose. And I felt all alone.
But I knew I had to move forward, and not to let my fears keep me from my journey.
I wanted to follow my biggest dream, yet that way seemed to be winding, and there was a big price to pay, without any guarantee of happiness at the end. Was the cost worth it? Would I be happy? Would people I love be happy? Would I look back at the crossroad I was in now, and smile, or would I cry?
Things would have been easier if I didn’t have to choose one over two, or more. But there was another road, which seemed to be more secured. I saw myself in a comfort zone, with much less to worry about. Life would just flow as a routine. No harm, no danger, no thrill, no venture. And I knew it would be so boring, so boring that one day I would wish I had chosen the other road.
Half of me wanted the adventure, the other half preferred security, and all that.
You could ask for advices, but people can’t decide for you. And how do you know that your choice will please the Lord? How do you know if your biggest dream is also your life calling, or is it mere a selfish wish? You asked God to remove it from your heart, if it is not from Him, and yet it is there, planted deeper in your heart (even when your closest friends thought you’d already forgotten it), and you’re still doubtful whether it was right.
People used to tell me, that it was so easy to figure out whether something was from The Lord or not. Simply notice, when a door started to close, and another opened, take the latter one. Sometimes it worked, but unfortunately in my case(s), things aren’t usually that simple. If all the doors are closed, it’s easy; you stay where you are, and wait. But what if all the doors are open, which one will you pick?
Here is when you need your faith the most; on the crossroad, facing the unknown, trembling with fears and exhausted by confusion.
Take heart, know that He will not leave you nor forsake you, whichever path you’ve chosen. Even when it’s hard to tread, He will put His feet on your shoes, and carry you along. Even when it’s the wrong track, He will somehow lead you to the right one, because He is the way, the truth and the light. And He dwells in your heart.
So go where your heart takes you, and be brave!