Watch out! PMS attacks! Bear with me if this post is (again) rather bitter, about things others did to me (and still do sometimes, unfortunately) which I consider to be cruel. It’s also called social rules in being a nice and polite human in this zany world.
When I am nice enough to invite you over for a meal together, RSVP please. Say yes or no, but don’t ever leave it hanging. I need to know ahead of time whether you’re coming (especially if it’s a personal invitation), so I can shop and prepare. I also need to know if you’re not, so I can enjoy my free time without wondering whether you’re coming or not, and do something more fun than waiting in uncertainty.
Ah, ok, you are busy (so you think I’m not??)…but it takes less than ten minutes to RSVP via phone or email, and it takes less than a minute to type no or yes through sms (and I’m a slow typer, mind you)
If you already say yes, do not cancel in the last minute before the appointment time for some invalid reasons! (except if you’re suddenly killed in the car accident or something urgent like that). At least cancel a day before, and this applies not only for meals, but to any appointment you already made with me. And this is cruel if it includes cooking.
Once a friend sms-ed me half an hour before dinner time, and said she probably would not come because she was very tired. I went nuts because the table had been set and I had been cooking almost all day long for her. She finally came, but I had to yell first.
When I come with an idea of a get together and make some plans, don’t assume I can do it all alone. Indifference and lack of feedback are the two killers of my wanting to initiative. I’m tired to be the only one who invites or to be the first one to initiate.
When I say no to something I have a right to say no, please respect it. Don’t keep knocking at my door with the same request, though in many different, manipulative ways. I hate it when people become dependent on me and chose to be lazy because they always get what they want from me easily. Remember, I’m only human, with limited patience (and on pms days, uh, it will be like waking up a tigress).
“Can you translate this for me, please? I need it tomorrow!”
“Sorry, I’m busy and I don’t feel very well.” (FYI, the favor didn’t have anything to do with any work of mine, it was totally a voluntary favor by someone I only see once in a blue moon)
“Oh, I understand, but what if the day after tomorrow, or even the day after that? We’ll be responsible for the delay.”
“(HELLO deaf people) I am B-U-S-Y all week in the office. My colleagues were nice enough to let me do YOUR work at office hour, but now I can’t do that anymore.”
“(whining tone) Ohhh…what should I do? I am so confused now…”
“(it’s none of my business) Didn’t I tell you to ask me for a favor like that at least a week before? Here is an email address of my friend, she does that professionally for a reasonable price.” (the price is affordable, really)
“Oh it’s ok. I’ll try to do it myself then.”
So that’s it, they just don’t want to pay.
But at night my cell phone beeped. And 3 long sms appeared. “Can you help me translate this and this and this and this and this.
(Leave me alone!) but I typed it anyway. No gratitude shown. Later on one more sms. “Are you still busy? Can I ask some more?”
And I switched off my phone in anger!
When I come out of my comfort zone and confront you (the thing I hate the most to do), you might be hurt, but at least heed what I said. Know that every word uttered I had carefully picked and pondered and thought about, and I’d tried my best to put it in a mild way (though not always successful with that). If you seemed to accept it but don’t change anything to adjust or be cooperative in finding the best resolution for both of us, I would feel betrayed and disrespected.
So many people, so little social grace! Sigh! (Do feel sorry for me, will you!)
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